PacMom

June 16, 2006

TGIF x 84

So supposedly at 7:00 this morning, I have been quit for a week. Yay, right!? “Hell Week” is officially over, right? Well, I don’t know if that’s technically true or not. You see, I was bad yesterday. Yesterday morning, I had a WHOLE cigarette. I was stressed, and I caved. And boy do I regret it, because today I should be celebrating flawlessly dammit. But, it’s okay. I slipped, and the important thing is that the slip didn’t turn into a relapse. It very well could have, considering I know plenty of people at work that I could bum from, but I. Was. Strong! So I’m just going to forget about that stupid cigarette I had yesterday. Even though… oh it was so gooooood! So good it makes you want to cry! Ugh. Quitting is too fucking hard. But I can do it, and I will. My mess up was almost 30 hours ago, and I’m on the right track again.
Tomorrow we go to my parents’ house on the lake. It’s going to be 90 degrees, and all sunny. The BEST kind of boating and doing-jack-shit weather. Totally looking forward to basking my white self in the sun, but, of course, just hoping being outside all day doesn’t make my cravings too horrible. I should be fine, just probably need to stay away from the booze. Which... oh who am I kidding. I’ll be slamming back Coronas like they’re going out of style. No harm in that, considering my smoking sister and brother in law won’t be there for me to weasel a cigarette off of.
And in the best news of the day! I was accepted at Madonna University today. Because I’m one smart bitch, and I write a mean entry essay. So in two months, I’m going to be a working, schooling, and (most definitely) stressed out momma. Cheers to the next three years of my studying, time-crammed, brain-enriching life!

June 14, 2006

After a wee break...

Don’t worry! I haven’t been MIA because I quit quitting. No way. Actually I’m just lazy. Really, really lazy. And I happen to think I am a HORRIBLE writer, so as much as I want to document my quit, I dread posting in here because writing is hard for me.
Anyway, I’ve actually been doing AWESOME. According to my meter on QuitNet, I have been smoke-free for 5 days, 5 hours, 50 minutes, and 58 seconds. I have not smoked 63 cigarettes, saved $15.00, and 11 hours of my life. Sweet.
I’m really not sure why I’ve been doing so well. It’s surprising, but I am definitely not complaining. Yesterday was actually kind of hard, I don’t know why, I just thought about smoking a lot. Not necessarily craving one, I just couldn’t stop thinking about cigarettes in general. Today has been better. Also today, I haven’t been eating like a god damn PIG. Which I must say is good, because I’d rather NOT be chubby. While I would be a chubby non-smoker, which is better than a rail-thin smoker, I still don’t want to be chubby. Just… don’t.
So yes all in all I am pretty proud of myself at the moment. Nothing in my house is broken, my baby girl has not been permanently scarred by my ( surprisingly non existent) demon-like mood (which, [how??] has actually been the complete opposite), and I haven’t kicked, yelled at, or pulled the hair out of any of my dear pets. I am actually quite stumped by this. A lot of smoking cessation sites say that you will be happier and calmer after quitting, which seems, well, like a bunch of BS. But it’s true! When Skylar acts up, I calmly tell her I’ve had enough and to go to her room. Before, OMG. I used to scream at the top of my lungs at her for EVERYTHING. Matt (who is quitting also, btw) still yells at the dog for being a pest. I on the other hand just want to give him a big smooshy hug. The poor baby is locked in his cage all day, how can you yell at this sweet face just for wanting you to throw his slimy, stinky Kong??

(Ahem. This is where I PLANNED on putting a cutsey-wootsy picture of my dog. However, Blogger doesn't seem to friggin' work very well.)

So I guess the one other thing that is slowly subsiding would be the pain in my lungs. My achy, crippling, tar-filled lungs! They always hurt bad in the morning. Since I have quit, each morning is wee better than the last. Supposedly soon I will start coughing up nasty stuff? Rad!

June 09, 2006

Dun dun duuunnnnn

D-day has arrived. But guess what? I’m not doing so horribly bad! I smoked my last cigarette at 7:00am today at home. Believe me, I’ve been thinking about how much I want one all friggin day, but I CAN DO IT!

Ed. Note – Something seems not quite right. Stop by again this evening as I’m sure there will be a new, more appropriate rage-filled post.

June 07, 2006

It only took me 2 hours to get Blogger to let me post this...

Cigarette countdown 2006. I have 12 left in my last pack. My wonderful, yummy, Marlboros. *weeps* NO! MUST BE STRONG! This last pack that I hold in my possession cost me a disgusting $7.10 yesterday morning. Okay, so I purchased a $1 lighter too, but still, damn the office’s convenience store to hell! $6 for 20 cigarettes is ass rape. My ass does not like to be raped, nor does my bank account.
So today’s controversy is – nicotine replacement, or no? In the past, oh, about seven years or so, I’ve tried all them doo-hickeys out there. The patch? Made me nauseous. The lozenges? Create such a funk nasty film in your mouth, you may as well suck on terd. The gum? Eh, doesn’t really work that great. Not to mention it tastes like you’re chewing on one of those little packets of pepper from Micky D’s. I’ve even tried going on Wellbutrin, but we shant speak of that adventure. Ohhh no we shant. Let’s just say crying “I want my mom!” at 1:00am while my poor, dear (and yet wonderfully supportive) husband held me in his arms was NOT my idea of a pleasant way to quit smoking. Ick.
So. I basically narrowed my choices down to two. I can a) quit being such a baby about it, and just stop, cold turkey. I might punch a few holes through my drywall, strangle a few people at the office, and scream annoyingly loud at my poor innocent 3-year-old a few times… but, hey? It gets easier each week right? RIGHT?! Eeek. Option b) is seeing a hypnotist that my sister in law used to know. This to me seems awfully too interesting to pass up. Especially since he was willing to do me and Matt (my hubs) both for $100. My only question is, WHERE on God’s green earth am I going to dig up $100? Our bills to income ratio is, well, *sob.* (Hint: yet another reason we are quitting.) But maybe Mr. Hypnotizing guy will take my Visa. That would rock. Must remember to call him tonight.
So yes, 12 cigarettes. Some of which I’ll probably end up sparing to my dear husband, because I am nice like that. These might last me through half of the day tomorrow, then it’s game over bitches. Stay tuned.

June 06, 2006

New blog on the block

So it's been over a year since I've done this blogging stuff. This is the third one I've had, and I'm determined not to abandon this one. Main reason I'm starting over again is because I'm about to begin a hard journey. No, I am not pregnant! Yes I have an addiction to mommy blogs, and yes I myself am a mother of one. But I have a second addiction, one that's about to get kicked to the curb. Oh yes, I am a smoker. A nasty, stinky, half-pack a day smoker. So the inspiration for this blog? Vent. Scream. Bitch about how hard quitting is. But most importantly, track my milestones so I can look back and be proud. And maybe, hopefully, if little old me is lucky enough, get some support from you, my lovely internet. For now, I'm off to tuck my sweet little daughter into bed.

Skylar Ann, my biggest inspiration to quit